Don't trust Elrond's Sweets EVER!
by Franny Ham
Summary: I did add a new section to this story ( Donnie Darko references) but it didn't update. Basically this story is about Arwen.


Arwen happily wandered around Rivendell, singing at the top of her voice. Though as pretty as she was, Arwen wasn't an incredibly amazing singer. Sure she could sing but she was crap. Many elves winced and kept away from her, fearing they may develop an earache.

As she turned a corner she noticed in her father's room hundreds of jars of sweets. One jar was lying on the floor on its side, its contents strewn on the marble floor. Now this particular jar was filled with many hundreds of jellybeans. Hundreds of brightly coloured beans were scattered and Arwen stared glassy eyed at them.

Now Arwen had a certain weakness for jellybeans and hunted them down as if they were gold. Now Elrond, who was sometimes an evil meanie, hid these away to stop her eating every single one in the whole city. Plus Arwen got her jellybean obsession from him because he too had a weakness for them.

Looking around the corridor, which was empty thanks to her dreadful singing; she rushed in and grabbed a single red jellybean. Carefully she wiped the bean on her skirt and ate it in a single gulp.

Aragorn breathed a sigh of relief. His girlfriend's terrible singing had stopped and he was thankful. Heading in the direction of where he heard it last he came across Elrond's room. Looking inside he found the floor was covered in a mass of colourful jellybeans. There was also a small child sitting in the room with their back to him. The child had waist length thick dark hair and wore a long pale lilac dress.

"Who are you?" Aragorn asked to which the child looked around.

She had her thumb in the corner of her mouth and was dribbling slightly. The child looked about 5 years of age. She wrinkled her small nose at him.

"Eww! You're dir'y! I 'ate dir'y boys espeshly when ell'dan an' el'orir get dir'y!" she cried.

"So who are you?" Aragorn asked again.

"Ada says not to talk to stwangers…," she said.

"I'm Aragorn. Now you know me, I'm not a stranger anymore" he told her.

She grinned at him, her thumb still in her mouth.

"I'm Ar'en!" she told him.

"Arwen? But Arwen's years older than you!" he said. Arwen shook her head.

"No. I'm 722 years old," she boasted.

"So how did this happen?" he asked, a perplexed look upon his face.

"I ate a red jerrybean. It was yummy," she said.

Aragorn stared at the beans on the floor. Then carefully he picked up a blue one and handed it to Arwen.

"Here try this. If it works you'll be back to normal" he told her. Arwen grabbed the bean and ate in a single gulp.

This time in front of Aragorn was Arwen, fully grown. She looked down at her self and smiled before hugging Aragorn.

"Yay! You saved me!" she cried, or meant to because no voice came.

She tried speaking again but nothing happened. She stamped her foot in frustration and shouted silent curses at Aragorn. He stood there puzzled at what to do next. Grabbing a piece of parchment, a quill and a pot of ink he gave it to Arwen who scribbled something down. Then she shoved it right under Aragorn's nose angrily. Looking at it, it read:

'If you don't sort this bloody mess out soon I'll bloody give you grief not even Mordor's seen!'

Gulping he picked up a green jellybean and she peered at it suspiciously before eating it.

This time instead of Arwen it was Legolas. Aragorn shook his head. 'Legolas' looked at himself before sitting down.

"Well, you got my voice back. That's a start. But I can't stay as Legolas forever! I'll never have kids! I'll be chased by screaming females everywhere!" 'He' cried as 'he' started brushing 'his' long golden hair.

Aragorn patted 'Legolas' on 'his' back.

"Don't worry. We'll try another one. If it doesn't work this time, we'll get your father," he told 'him' who sniffed miserably.

Picking up an orange jellybean, 'Legolas' swallowed it and waited to see what happened.

Now a tall teenage girl replaced Legolas. She had short dark brown hair to her shoulders, dark grey eyes and very pale skin. She wore a dark blue halter neck top along with a pair of maroon corded jeans, a pair of black and white striped socks and a pair of sneakers.

"Okay. That didn't work. Erm. Okay. Just once more and then if this doesn't work at all, we will get your father," he told her.

Arwen groaned.

"I am really very sick of this Aragorn. God I hate jellybeans!" she cried.

Aragorn picked up a purple jellybean, which Arwen ate.

In a flurry of brightly coloured feathers, Aragorn was scratched and pecked. A large blue, gold and green parrot flew about his head squawking.

"Arwen, come here. I need to take you to Elrond. He should be able to fix you. I think," he muttered.

But Arwen had none of this and flew over near the other jars and knocked over another one. Tonnes of pink, blue and white mini marshmallows flew over the floor.

Before Aragorn could do anything, she flew to a pale pink marshmallow and gobbled it up in a quick gulp.

In front of Aragorn stood Arwen, this time an elf.

"Yay! I love marshmallows! I'm going to find daddy and tell him all about today!" she cried, jumping up and down.

As she ran out of the door, Aragorn put his hand up and opened his mouth to say something but thought better and put his hand down and turned to the marshmallows and beans on the floor.

'I'm sure Elrond won't notice that his dear daughter now has a tiger tail. Could be worse, she could have a _bunny rabbit's tail_' he thought.

As he turned to leave the room, a jar caught his eye. It was filled with hundreds of coloured gumdrops. Now Aragorn had a special liking for black gumdrops and quickly snaffled one.

'I'm sure one won't hurt. I mean I'll probably find the cure in eating another sweet' he thought as he ate the gumdrop.

However as he ate the sweet, he felt something was wrong. He was shorter. MUCH shorter.

'My arms feel rather different, as do my feet, and my face!' he thought in a panic. Peering at his feet he nearly screamed in shock.

"Fl.Flippers!" he cried to which his hand shot up and hit something hard on his face. Looking at his 'hand' he found it wasn't a hand at all and screamed. His arm was now a long black wing.

Running to the mirror in the room's corner he screamed and fell to the ground in shock. Instead of the usually dirty ranger, there stood a short rather plump penguin.

"Arwen! ARWEN!" he cried running out of the room for her.  
As Arwen turned a corner, she whacked into something large, grey and fluffy. She fell to the floor and when she looked up she saw she was looking in the eyes of a 'demonic' six-foot tall bunny rabbit. The rabbit then proceeded to grab Arwen by the shoulders and while shaking her scream "Where are the doughnuts Sandra?" Suddenly he rabbit was pounced upon, throwing Arwen out of his grasp.

Looking at the new assailant, she screamed like a teenager and jumped upon him. "JAKE! I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME!" she screamed. The person looked at her, sheer horror written plain as day across his face.

"I'm not Jake, I'm Donnie" he said pointing to a badge on his chest.

"And this is Frank though he isn't called Jake either…"

Suddenly a girl of Donnie's age came in. Seeing Arwen in his arms, she screamed, marched over to Donnie, slapped him and ran off crying.

Donnie seeing this promptly dumped Arwen, grabbed Frank who waved bye-bye to Arwen with a furry grew paw and ran off after his love. Arwen got up, dusted herself off and skipped off merrily to her father's study.

Arwen was just about to enter her father's study when something small and black ran into her screaming her name. Grabbing it she found herself facing a small but utterly cute penguin. Gasping with happiness she hugged the penguin quite tightly and ran into her father's study. Elrond looked up angrily, but his anger melted when he saw his only daughter enter.

"Look daddy! A penguin! It's so cute. Can I keep it?" she asked smiling at her father innocently.

Suddenly Aragorn shouted "Elrond! Help!" Elrond took the penguin and sat it on his desk.

"It's... me! Ara…… Aragorn" he managed to choke while catching his breath.

"What did you do Aragorn?" Elrond threatened, thunder in his voice.

Gulping Aragorn confessed that he stole a gumdrop before crying which sounded more like quacking. Elrond grabbed Aragorn by the back of his neck and headed to his room with Arwen skipping happily behind.

Elrond glared at his foster... er... penguin with a look that would have made Mordor scared.

"You had better not have touched my jellybeans or marshmallows" he bellowed.

"I did daddy. Sorry" Arwen piped up.

Elrond look at his daughter in utter grief and fell to the floor sobbing hysterically.

"Not my jellybeans! I love them! And my marshmallows!" he wailed. Aragorn cleared his throat.

"I think I'm, the one who needs the help here though it seems you could too," he said.

Elrond stopped crying and stood up. He walked to his cupboard and pulled out a vial of black liquid. He then proceeded to shove it down the tiny penguin's throat. Aragorn coughed and choked before he felt it working.

He was taller, he could feel it. But once he was the right size, he didn't stop growing but continued until he hunched in the room. Just then an elven maid came in. Seeing Aragorn she screamed and ran down the hall proclaiming that Elrond was a psycho and mutated his son into Sauron. It wasn't entirely true. Aragorn stared after the elf and shrugged before peering in the mirror. This time a 10-foot tall troll stared back, his nose dribbling and squashed. Elrond shook his head and pulled out another vial, this time with a blue liquid inside. Standing on tiptoes he passed it to his huge foster son.

After drinking he found he was the right height but something was wrong. Sure he was human but looking at what he was wearing made his scream in shock. There in front of him stood a tall blonde haired female elf wearing a long blue dress.

"Elrond! I'm a girl," he shrieked in a girl's voice. But Elrond didn't listen. He stared dreamy eyed at Aragorn.

"Celebrian" he muttered wandering over to Aragorn and hugging him tightly.

Aragorn struggled against the elf but it was no use. Elrond was a lot stronger and had an iron grip.

"But…… I'm Aragorn," he wheezed.

Elrond shook his head.

"No my love. You're Celebrian. My wife" he told 'her'.

Suddenly a thought came to Aragorn.

"Oh Elrond dearest. Can you pass me that vial with clear liquid in it?" he asked. Elrond nodded dreamily.

"Arwen fetch the vial for your mother please dearest?" he asked. Arwen nodded and grabbed the vial and handed it to her 'mother'. Uncorking it, Aragorn drunk it all down and waited.

He didn't feel too different this time. Looking down at himself he found Elrond still wrapped around him.

"Um. Elrond. Can you let go?" he asked. Elrond looked up and jumped back in shock.

"Celebrian? What?" he asked and fell to the floor sobbing.

"Not again! Cruel fate takes my wife twice" he sobbed. Aragorn shook his head and walked over to a giggling Arwen.

"What's funny?" he asked.

Shaking her head she gave him her pocket mirror. Instead of his normal dark hair that was always greasy and dirty, it had ginger and blond striped through it making it look like a tiger. He gasped in horror.

"What Aragorn? I think you look much more handsomer like that" she said before giving him a quick kiss and running off. Aragorn grinned and ran after his girlfriend.

Elrond spent the rest of his days moping about eating his accursed jellybeans and dreaming of his wife. She never came back though he did see a horse that looked rather like her but only after he dropped his jellybeans near it. The maid that ran screaming from Elrond's room spent her days in Lorien, talking to the grass who she gave the blades names like Doug, Bob and James and bathing in Galadriel's pool that she liked to call Marybeth for some odd reason. And Aragorn and Arwen got married, ran off to the Midgewater Marshes and had 17 kids all with tiger striped hair and tiger's tails. And they all lived crazily ever after...


End file.
